The Stories Inside My Frame
Is this story still serving me?
In 2019, I was named in a lawsuit by a man I had never met or even spoken to.
This guy had applied for a sales role through one of our recruiters and didn’t get an interview. He applied as a senior sales person, but after interviewing a few candidates, I realized that their ideas on how they would approach sales with tactics and pressuring clients to close would not work for my brand. We decided to change the role from a senior role requiring 15+ years of experience to a junior role for someone with 2-3 years of experience out of college so I could train them on how to “sell” my way.
I sent him this email:
Hi XX!
Thanks again for reaching out. I’m so sorry you felt the group we hired didn’t treat you with respect. I’ve spoken to them about it and they have assured me they will be more careful. Thank you again for bringing this to my attention.
I’ve reviewed your resume and I think I understand the disconnect. We are looking for someone more junior and more saas focused for the next hire, so there isn’t a match this time around but I’ll be in touch if anything changes!
Thank you again!
Mona
A few weeks later, I was served. As it turns out, he was 86 years old. When I walked into the EEOC a few months later, they knew him by name and offered him coffee just the way he liked it.
I had walked straight into a trap.
Despite how absurd and baseless the two million dollar claim was, and despite the fact that I had never even spoken to him, googled him, or even had the initial conversation that got him all irritated with the recruiting firm I hired, he won.
I hired lawyers, who made it worse.
I tried to negotiate. He wasn’t willing.
I hit an all time mental health low.
It felt like rock bottom.
I had no way out.
I had to pay him a settlement.
And since he wasn’t an employee, my insurance didn’t cover it.
It would have to come out of my accounts, which barely had anything in them.
I spiraled.
Not just because of how much it cost me to fight him and then lose, or how unfair it felt.
But because deep down, I believed I deserved it.
I must be a terrible person and this is payback.
How could I have been so careless?
Was I really as heartless as he said I was?
That was my frame.
Cognitive frames are the way we perceive, interpret and make sense of the world. Frames are unconscious interpretations or default beliefs about what things mean. These frames shape what we notice, how we react, and even what we believe is possible.
Frames are crafted from our past experiences, cultural norms, beliefs, and even our language. They help us process the vast complexity of the world by simplifying, categorizing, and interpreting information. Our frames help us quickly decide what’s important, who to trust, which path to take, and what actions make the most sense. They give us a sense of security, a way of making sense of all the information around us.
But before we know it, our frames start feeling like the truth. The only truth. And these so-called truths are often just stories we tell ourselves. My frame is based on my experiences, my values, and my understanding of the world—and yours is based on yours. We surround ourselves with people who affirm our frames. We tell them our stories, they nod along, and we feel validated.
Our frames also create blind spots. They obscure alternative viewpoints and possibilities. We hold onto them for dear life, even when they keep us feeling confused, small, or stuck.
Our minds are boundless architects of potential. They hold the key to shaping and shifting our reality. We have the ability to shift our frames and learning that the current interpretation isn’t the only way to view the challenge, and might not be the most useful one either.
The good news is that we can shift the frame when we are ready. Ready?
Bringing the Reframe to Your Team
Right now most teams are feeling like change is hard, AI is coming, and they’re already behind. The gap between where they are and where they’re supposed to be feels insurmountable.
My job is to show you that’s a frame problem. Not a team problem.
The 9-Minute Reframe is a 90-minute experience that turns a room full of people playing it safe into a team that thinks boldly together. Part training, part immersive workshop using real challenges your team is actually sitting with. By the end, your team not only feels energized and aligned, they have a tool they can use anytime they want to move faster than the moment.
Sometimes I stay on and coach the whole team for a few months after, like at Shutterstock. Sometimes I just do the training and they use a moderator’s guide to do their own reframes after, like Google. And sometimes I work one-on-one with senior leaders as a reframe ninja in their corner like HSBC. I ask questions that shift perspectives, and the aha moments that come create real leaps and powerful momentum forward.